Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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