I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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