I bet he comes in French.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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