Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
