Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
