tonight lets celebrate not being married
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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