I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
