turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
50% drunk capacity currently
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize