I will die if light touches me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
