I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
