So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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