Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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