Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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