I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize