Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
