im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
