Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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