At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They have beer where we have blood.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
