closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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