just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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