There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
