Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
