I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
