Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
