we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
