just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
