I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A+ Viking dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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