it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
