im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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