I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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