your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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