love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
