bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
