Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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