Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm passing your future prison.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
