i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
