Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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