Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize