I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
