Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have already put on my inside pants.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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