hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
