Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
