you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize