She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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