What a fucking waste of an outfit
this beer tastes like vomit already
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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