He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
