is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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