Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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