I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
