I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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