As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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