He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
