Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
