Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
