My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
