Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
