He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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