I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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