It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
