But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
