do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize