I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
