It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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