All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
