and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
