you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's always time for handjobs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
