Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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