glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My penis needs a shock collar
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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