I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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