My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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