You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
