Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
