Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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