i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
