Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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