when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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