I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize