so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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