How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
