So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
